I am learning how to be selfish, for love.
I am learning to put myself in the center of my life.
I am learning how not to depend on others happiness to determine my own.
This is a fight and it is a choice.
It is a practice because my unconscious says the complete opposite.
It tells me to put the opinion’s and well being of others before my own, it tells me that if I do this, I will be a better person, that people will love me for it. It tells me that I have to earn my place, It tells me that no one will like me if I stand too tall, it tells me that what I think and feel, don’t matter. It tells me in that in the long line of important things, I am last. Enough already! I am tired of it, so very tired of it. What limiting way to live. I would even argue that it’s not living, because by definition, living things GROW. How can you grow if you are limited to how others perceive you? How can you grow if you are unwilling to prune outdated ideas of who you are? Your life is too damn precious for that.
As Hafiz says,
“Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living In better conditions.”
So what is the the outdated, limited idea of self-love; do you know what I really find selfish? When we deny ourselves the full expression of who we are, when we hide our beating hearts from each other, when we take our lives for granted, when we project our fears all other each other and put each other down, when we blame each other, or the world, for not meeting our needs when we don’t even know what we want because we are so busy distracting ourselves from even asking the question.
Your life is enough and you are enough, you are worth being at the front of your personal line of important things. I am a mother and do you know what I owe my kids? Absolutely nothing. Do you want to know what I desire? It’s this. I want to enjoy watching my kids grow, I want to enjoy myself as their mother. I want to be brave and soft enough to stay connected to them, through my countless mistakes that create the shame that isolate’s me from my precious time with them. I want to experience myself as the best damn mother I can be because I’m worth it, and so are they. I want to belong to me and I want to share that with them. They don’t want to be the centre of my universe! that is too much pressure for anyone to hold. We are here to connect and love each other, but we can’t do that if we don’t choose to take ourselves on.
It takes a huge amount of courage to stand in the truth of who you are to take responsibility for your life, and your choices. So when I say choose you, I mean it. Choosing you is the most unselfish of acts.
So I ask you……
What is important to you? What do you desire? How can you serve THAT? Stop with the excuses already. Be courageous enough, to stand tall in the centre of your beautiful, chaotic, precious life. Choose to be selfish…..for love.
Jacqui has been a teacher in the Vancouver community since 2011. She teaches both public and private classes in various locations. Teaching has been a love affair of her two main passions, the marriage of the physical and energetic body, both of which she has extensive knowledge of. She has been studying and practicing energy work for over 7 years and danced professionally for years before that. Right now her practice is about honesty, focus and softening. She is the proud mother of two beautiful children and advocates body positivity in women and girls. For more information, visit her at www.jacquiwillcocks.com.